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See No Evil

October 2, 2013

My mirror is EVIL. She lies to me. Every. Single. Day. Without fail.

She lures me close with her sparkly glass…

I can hear her calling me; ‘Come closer.’ She beckons. ‘Closer…closer. Yes, that’s right…just a little closer, my pretty.

She cackles her evil laugh as I gasp at the sight.

A slightly plump menopausal woman stuffed into a plum-colored one piece swimsuit is reflected back at me. Parts of this woman spill out over the edges of the purple spandex.

‘Who is this broad?’ I ask. ‘Where did she come from?’

I can hear gales of laughter coming from the mirror as I gaze into the glass.

The scale has not always been my friend. Currently it, surely an evil relative of the mirror, and I have called a truce. We are on speaking terms for the moment. That could change at any time.

I have the skin of a woman three sizes larger.

In the looking glass, I have a muffin top. The skin on my thighs sags and a six inch scar on my right knee stares back at me, reminding of a failed knee replacement followed by a successful one. I have varicose veins. Spider veins, too. If I look closely, I can see the skin around my eyes crinkle when I smile and I have a bit of a turkey neck.

I’ve got nice elbows, though…and very little gray hair.

‘Who is this chick?’ I demand. ‘And WHAT is she doing in my bathroom?’

This can’t be me, I think. I am young and vital…in the prime of life. I am careful about my diet and lifestyle. I spend six hours a week in the pool. Exercising…doing water aerobics: toning and cardio. I rarely eat sweets and I don’t smoke or drink. This just can’t be me!

I have it on good authority that I am healthy. The doctor said so just yesterday when I went in for my annual physical. My lipid profile is excellent, as are my liver and kidney function tests. My blood sugar level is acceptable, and I have the blood pressure of a much younger person (116/72).

Both my parents had high blood pressure before they turned forty and heart trouble runs rampant on both sides of the family. My mother died at fifty-seven from COPD. As of July 4, 2013, I have walked the earth longer than she.

In the pool, I am graceful. I feel slim and pretty as a mermaid when I glide through the water in my plum-colored suit with my never-dyed hair stuffed beneath a black Speedo swim cap.

There are no mirrors in the pool area at the fitness center, thank the Lord!

I am always surprised when I see my reflection.

I feel toned and fit…youthful. The woman in the mirror doesn’t look bad for her age, but I feel young and vibrant…not menopausal!

The evil mirror knows I do not believe her. I tell her so every day.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the course of my life, all five-and-a-half-plus-change decades, it’s this: do NOT believe everything you see.


  1. Bev Acker permalink

    I’m sitting down here at Lake Superior Therapy waiting for Jerry, reading your posts. This one is so true! Good coffee and good readings, they are starting this morning off well. Have to go to work when Jerry is done but good things, I guess, only last for so long.

  2. Thanks, Bev! I don’t know about you, but sometimes, the evil mirror and and her sister the menacing scale work in cahoots and tell the doctor lies about me. That’s the worst…because he usually sides with them! We must get together soon!

  3. Lovely. And so true.

  4. I know, right? Photos and videos are even more evil. Evil, I’m tellin’ ya. Pure evil!

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