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Married to Superman

September 16, 2013

Most of you know that I’ve been married twice and divorced once. Never widowed, thank the Lord.

I don’t talk much about my first marriage…that’s because I was married to a celebrity. A superhero, actually.

In the late forties, my mother and father-in-law lived in a sparsely populated area in rural Montana. She was pregnant with my first husband. Her doctor’s wife had a baby boy at about the same time in the same hospital.

In the confusion, the hospital staff mixed up the baby’s names…

My mother-in-law wanted to call her son Bryce William and the doctor’s wife liked the name Clark Kent. Both women went home with the correct baby as far as anyone knew, but unbeknownst to either set of parents, the wrong names had been entered on the birth certificates.

My parents-in-law decided to call their son Bryce in spite of the mix-up; they would only use his real name, Clark Kent, for legal purposes. Bryce grew up looking very much like his father, so there really was no question that they were given the right infant.

I will continue to refer to my husband as Clark Kent or Superman for the remainder of this story to lessen the confusion. It makes for a better read.

He and I met, fell in love, and decided to marry.

Marriage, being a legal institution, requires the use of legal names…so on October 20, 1979, I married Superman.

There. The secret is out. I sincerely hope the paparazzi don’t come snooping around! I wouldn’t want Clark’s secrets to get out…his PR people have worked long and hard to keep those under wraps.

Clark and I weren’t married very long. Long enough to produce a child from scratch, but not long enough to see that child go off to kindergarten. In fact, our son hadn’t even learned to walk by the time Superman and I split up.

At times, I heard Clark brag about his cape and spandex suit, but I never actually saw them, and they were never in the laundry hamper.

I know from personal experience, however,  that he liked to fly pretty high…

To my knowledge, the only time he was faster than a locomotive was when he got it into his head to beat a train to a crossing. Then I think he just plain got lucky and squeaked across the tracks with only inches to spare before a train roared behind him.

That scared the heck out of me on more than one occasion.

I doubt if he could have leaped tall buildings in a single bound, and to my knowledge, he never tested the faster-than-a-speeding-bullet theory. He liked to boast about those qualities though, especially when he was under the influence of whatever he‘d ingested.

Clark had a habit of keeping secrets. I suppose that goes with the territory. If I didn’t know anything, I couldn’t divulge any secrets if I was kidnapped and tortured. National security would remain intact.

Like every superhero, Clark had a weakness.

His kryptonite was actually alcohol. Alcohol and whatever street drugs he could get his hands on. They knocked Superman flat and rendered him absolutely powerless every time.

My second marriage is much more successful. I married a wonderful man and we’ve been together for more than twenty-five years…eighteen of which have been pretty darn good.

We’ve been through some rough times. For a while, it was touch and go, and our marriage was on life support, but neither one of us is a quitter and we’re both pretty stubborn. We refused to go down without a fight, and it was worth the effort. It took a lot of hard work from both of us before we rekindled the spark that very nearly got snuffed out.

This marriage is the real deal…unlike my first go-‘round with the institution.

I know he’s got my back, and I’ve got his.


  1. Greg Frosig permalink

    Jim is the real super man to your Lois Lane!!

    Sent from my iPhone

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