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The Runway

August 28, 2012

Okay, I feel good. I’ve just finished up in the pool…forty-five minutes of independent exercise and warm-up, followed up by an hour of water aerobics class. Now, I’m off to the showers, then to the Warming House for my Highlander Grog, my current calorie-free guilty pleasure.

I shower quickly…more women will be coming in from the pool soon, so I hurry. After being in the pool, the locker room is cold, so no one wants to stand in line dripping wet, waiting to shower. I usually leave class a few minutes early to ease the post-class congestion.

I towel my hair dry and wrap my boring black towel around me before I open the curtain and cross the room to my locker. I hear voices from that direction, and I hatch an idea…which I quickly put into action.

I step outside my normal shy-blend-into-the-background persona, and strut, runway-model-like across the floor while delivering my monologue highlighting the latest post-shower locker room fashion trends…bleached black oversize towels, wrapped tightly about the torso, and secured by the model’s bat-winged arms clenched tightly to her sides.  Pink and black flat pool shoes are fashion must…very practical and stylish.

Accessories are kept to a minimum…a simple dark green one-piece swimsuit in a lovely crinkle chlorine-proof fabric which can be artfully switched from side to side as the model continues down the runway. The small clear zip top bag containing colorful toiletries in opaque bottles is optional. Accessories in this case, do not have to be green to be fashionable this year…any pop of color will do.  Pink would be especially nice.

I follow with the latest hairstyle; asymmetrical disarrays of gravity defying blonde locks sticking out at odd angles, with the goal being no lock in sync with any other…anywhere on the head. This style is punched up with random dread-locks strewn about her crown.

The oversize towel was once all black. Increased visual interest has been created through the strategic use of chlorine. To achieve this effect, the model lays her towel on the floor of the stall while making her next wardrobe change. Then she slings her green crinkle fabric suit over the door and lets it drip onto the towel haphazardly to create this stylish look.

The process has an added benefit as well…it minimizes the possibility of falls. Today’s model feels that falling on a slippery tile floor and having to helped up by well-meaning friends and facility staff in whatever state of undress wouldn‘t be beneficial. And worst case scenario; she may get hauled off on a gurney to the hospital while wearing nothing more than her birthday suit and a flimsy white sheet. Everyone knows that wearing all white makes a girl look fat. Not a popular look. At least for this girl.  And besides, it’s nearly Labor Day.  White will soon be out.

At the end of the fashion show, the captive audience disperses…commenting on what they‘ve seen.

‘That’ll never catch on,’ says one.

‘I could never get my hair to do that!’, another comments.

‘Very entertaining, but she’s totally nuts!’ 


From → The Pool

  1. The only towel that would fit around me would be a very large beach towel!

    • I chose my towel very carefully…and measured it around my girth right there in the middle of the store, just to be sure it fit. And it’s large.

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